Bermuda, eh?

This is your first official notice that we Canadians are about to finally take official control of your island. I say ?official? because in actual fact we already control you. We run your police, your hospital, and your schools. We have the civil power over your citizens, manage your health, and control young Bermudian minds. Do you not see a Canadian flag sticker on every second car, scooter, and crash helmet?

If it actually came to war, we believe we would win. Although The Bermuda Regiment undoubtedly has more modern and efficient weapons and more warships than the Canadian Armed Forces, we probably have double the personnel. Why do you think Canadians are so cheap? We?re saving our huge gigantic tax-free salaries into a fund to purchase ammunition for our soldier?s rifles, should the need arise.

But it won?t come to that. We?re more sneaky and covert than that. Do you think that Canada, with our population that is one tenth that of the USA, has survived being America?s neighbour without being overtaken because of our Armed Forces? No. We cunningly make our land seem so vile, hopeless, and expensive, that Americans stay as far away from us as possible. Our agents spread this message across all fifty states. This is why Americans are convinced that we all live in igloos in the frozen Tundra all year round, and that we travel by dog sled.

We also make Americans fear us with our annoying whining and complaining attitude. Yes, we invented petulance, and we brought it to Bermuda! It has been an overwhelming success in that Bermudians have taken to this way of thinking wholeheartedly. You have perfected the moaning and establishment-owes-me whine to a degree that has far surpassed our Canadian blue-collar union workers and our wildest dreams.

We have been moving down here, taking your jobs away from you, impregnating our women, impregnating your women, marrying your women, marrying your men, raising our empires, and getting into your minds for years. You don?t even realize that you are already assimilated.

We have plans for the new Province of the South. After we destroy the connecting bridge to St. David?s Island, we will move our Newfoundland fishermen there to take away your fishing jobs; and we will import our French-Canadians to Le Smith?s Parish and effectively divide Bermuda. There will be a Tim Horton?s coffee shop on every corner! McDonald?s will pale in significance. Everyone will wear lumberjack shirts, Kodiak construction boots, and baseball caps or toques.
 
In case you have any feeble plans of stopping us, I must point out one crucial point of power of which we have effectively taken full control. Virtually every single computer system on this island is run by a Canadian. If you make a move against us, we will change every System Administrator, Supervisor, Root, and QSECOFR password, delete all the data, and shut you down.

Resistance is futile, eh?


The MacKenzie Brothers
Pembroke, Province of Bermuda

Island, I now live in England. I don't think it would behoove Canada to take this place; you guys can have it!

That is so funny, eh?  And Happy Thanksgiving!

ahh i can see it now...timmy's on ever other corner, Canadian Tire on the other...we can then teach the locals our language...they'll learn what a loonie and a toonie is, what a double double stands for, exchange 'um um' for 'eh'(cuz it just sounds better..lol)...and they'll be better off for it. Then all we'd have to do is introduce 30+% income tax, and it will DEFINITELY be like home...Brings a tear to my eye it does...LOL

CC